Being honest with God

Being human can seem very complicated. Many of us will do almost anything to appear pleasant, willing, and competent; it’s simply human nature. But at heart we can also feel overwhelmed or shy, or maybe just not very confident in our own abilities. Then again, social factors tell us not to admit having some feelings and drives because we think that our friends and families would not like them … and hence they would not like us. They might judge us or even turn us away. For all these reasons, all of us have both a ‘public face’ and a ‘private life’, which are likely to differ, perhaps very greatly indeed.

Most of us suffer considerable stress when these two aspects differ beyond a certain extent, so most of us merely pretend—sometimes to ourselves and certainly to other people—not to acknowledge the way they differ. It’s always the inner thoughts and drives that get suppressed. That suppression is rarely conscious, so it’s unhelpful to think in terms of ‘hypocrisy’ or ‘being two faced’ because all of us live two opposing lives in this way.

God is infinite and knows everything. He therefore knows our real self as well as the self we try to project to other people. He knows the whole truth, and yet He always loves us with His trademark infinity and nothing can ever stop Him from loving us. He knows our inner, shadow life better than we do.

All of us pray but which of these two selves (the outer and the inner) does the prayer originate from? If it’s the self that looks outwards, then we may be praying for things that we think are respectable, nice, helpful such as peace and requests for healing—for our friends and family, but maybe for us as well. But if we are not really in touch with our inner thoughts, then our prayers are incomplete.

If we pretend to God that we are always nice, always Christian, then we are hiding parts of our lives from Him and are, in effect, refusing to let God deal with the inner hurts and unhealthy drives. We therefore limit the scope in which we can serve Him and be healed by Him.As we grow in faith, there will always come a point when it feels as though God is not listening to our prayers, or that He hears them but ignores them, or is completely absent. That’s entirely normal. At such times it’s almost certainly we ourselves who are limiting what God can do in and through us, because we are telling God not to look closely or be aware of our inner lives. We’re ashamed of them and don’t want anyone, let alone a ‘nice’ God, to see them. But in this way we prevent a huge amount of their power from helping our prayers.

But we still need to talk to God, although one temptation is to think that God is so holy that He won’t want someone like us to bother Him. This instinct is not wise because, as Jesus said to his first disciples, ‘It’s not those who are well but those who are poorly who need a
doctor’ (Luke 5:31–32).

We may feel shame or worse if we think this is happening to us as we approach God. It’s probably best to be very matter of fact and simply confess as each part of our private inner life comes to light. God wants us to speak honestly, saying something like, ‘Please help me to cope with being the person that I really am’ or ’Please heal the bits of my life I don’t like, can’t face, won’t acknowledge’. This growth into honesty as we pray will energise our prayer and make it more authentic.

As Christmas approaches, it can be useful to remember that Jesus came to earth precisely for people like us, to bring us closer to God. As John 3:16 says, ‘God so loved the world that He gave His only son, that whoever truly believes in him will not perish but have everlasting life’. And, as he said, ‘The truth will set us free’ (John 8:21).

Exercise Tell God that you love Him and want Him. In silence, confess those things you feel safe acknowledging. In each case, say sorry but don’t dwell too long: rather, ask for forgiveness then gently move on. Ask God to give you enough courage to confront whatever He wants us to consider next. Keep reminding yourself that God loves you deeply.